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Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

When I think about some of the things I was taught hard
That i still tend to do without thinking, all day every day
(masking, mostly)
Trying to bend myself to social norms, to be accepted, which is a big fear since I've always felt alone, inferior…

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

Now I'm trying, as an exercise, to look them into the eye when my brain falls into this pit, recognize as they are, nefarious, useless and undesirable,
and say: "fuck it", middle finger in the air.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

I can't, and won't, be "normal", and I do not have to feel guilty of it.
I'm me.
Always trying to be gentle, nice, for others but also for me, being nerdy and very gay and full of emotions, loving to share all that I can.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

And always being sincere, handing out my 'working manual' to people that wanna know how I work, that are willing to learn it, so that interactions can be better and we can mutually work towards a good middle ground.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

But not getting myself crushed by other people's expectations.
That's what hurt me so much all this time.
I always felt I was inferior, and needed to bend myself to other people expectations all the time or I'd be a bad person.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

Which is bullshit.
I'll be me, in my own way, and fuck social normativity.
As long as I do my best, there's nothing else that matters.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

Maybe I'll be able to slowly unlearn this masking shit thing, and feel better. I already feel, when I do the exercise, a great weight going off my shoulders.
I think, really, that is what fucks me up.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

Of course its not magical.
But I don't have to, I'm not obligated to, fulfill other people's expectations.
If we both can work and communicate together, good
If we can't, well its no biggie, I'll try elsewhere and the other person will too, or if we can we'll do differently.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

I feel like I discovered, with the help of friends, a new path that, really, can make me finally feel better.

And what is happening is, finally, after so much time feeling bad and hopeless…
Its a light.
Albeit a not big one, the society is still shit, but I can look it in the eye and say "fuck you. you're shit. I'm not to blame for not corresponding to your puny little boxes. I'm me. In all the complexity it means"

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

Maybe this can work.
I'll do my best for it.
And if you're willing to stay around, be in my life, I'll be more than glad.
But be warned. I'll work towards really listening to my needs and learn to verbalize them the most straightforward way (not like, enforcing pointless rules, just stating, "I think I need that", "I feel like this action makes me feel that way, what do we do ?", be transparent.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

It's been three years since my coming out, and I'm just now realizing another huge part of myself, that have big consequences, and its another part I can work on, enhance, help make my life - and by extention people that surround me's life too - better, simpler, with less pain.

Introspective, long, positive, mental health, society expectations, (thread) 

And oftentimes, I don't understand a social situation, try to work it out alone, and I often end up feeling inadequate.
This is the "fuck you society". I am not inadequate. ANd not understanding is not a shame.

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